So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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