i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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