youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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