it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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