there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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