guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
