don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
