just come out here and I will go home with you...
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
