There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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