My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
