I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
