At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
