WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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