You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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