what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
