My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
