I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
