Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
