Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Floor bacon is actually really good
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
