lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
