at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
