i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
