hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
