someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Randomize
