so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
