Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
