So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
