if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
