He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
