i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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