I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
