you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
