Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
