we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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