Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
