sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
