What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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