I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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