so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I think my moral compass just broke
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
