Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
