so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
How's work?
Spinning.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize