Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
