u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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