My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
