if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
