You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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