My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Blood and glitter go together right?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
