I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
