I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
