I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
