It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
did i walk over a car last night?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
