So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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