He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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