K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
