make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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