Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
