I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
