Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
