I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
