I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
My balls are so social today.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
