You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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