Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize