Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
