How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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