So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
